A Note to Men on Relationships

Dear Men,

I wanted to take a moment and write a note about our role in relationships - heterosexual or homosexual.

When a relationship evolves from casual dating to a serious romantic interest it is of utmost importance that whomever you are committing to become the center of your world and you should be the same for your significant other. You want your significant other to know how much they matter to you and that they come before all else.

Communication is key in any relationship, but especially when you have made this commitment to another human being it has to become the foundation and the forefront for the relationship. We live in a society where there are many ways to communicate; text messaging, a phone call, Facebook, email, BUT ABOVE ALL THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS - BOTH VERBAL AND NONVERBAL.

The person you are with should always feel special, desired, and loved by you and know how much they matter do you. Contrary to popular opinion, this is best displayed through your actions and not so much through your words. Your words will gain meaning and traction as your actions display that they are in alignment with the words you speak or write. This does not mean that the words you speak do not carry weight or value, but rather, that they carry much more meaning when backed by aligned action.

The little things matter, in all relationships, even if the role they play may be minimized by the person you are with. In fact, everything matters in a relationship and no matter how difficult your day or what you are going through it is important to still love, appreciate, and validate the meaning of your loved one in your life. See the thing about being in a relationship is life is no longer just about you and your needs, but also your significant other and their needs. Nobody's needs are greater than the others ... both are equally important.

Men, believe it or not, some women feel loved and appreciated when you do the dishes or other household chores and some find love and appreciation in financial security; and some need both. There are so many variations in which the need for love and affection can be met, but if you are delivering them in a way that doesn't meet your spouse’s needs - your efforts are ineffective. As you can imagine, this becomes a huge problem in a relationship because the other person feels unloved and unfulfilled and very often you don't have this realization until it's too late.

So very often we give the things we think are signs of love and affection and in many cases it misses the mark of what our significant other truly needs to feel loved and appreciated.

Being in a relationship can be a challenge because you are taking two energies and two very different paradigms and trying to meld them into operational oneness. The tricky part to this is learning to understand one another - what makes you tick, where did certain responses / beliefs come from, etc. This takes effort and a lot of conversation and it takes the ability to speak on a soul level and truly hear and feel what the other person is saying. That, my friends, does take work and practice ... it doesn't come easy or overnight ... not even for a psychic.

Granted, there are definite advantages to being psychic in a relationship, but there are just as many, if not more, disadvantages.

So, when you decide to commit to someone, you have to also commit to giving it all you've got and doing whatever it takes to see it through. This means, learning as much as you can about the other person - their loves, dislikes, past experiences, etc. This serves two purposes, first you are showing a genuine interest in the other person and second you are learning about their conditioning and that will help you understand their reactions, point of view, etc. in the future.

See a relationship is where two people relate to one another on all levels. It's not about judgment, expectations, or any of that BS ... None of that exists within the confines of LOVE. In love you listen with every fiber of your being, but mostly you listen not with your ears but with your heart. In doing this, you cannot take things personally but understand and listen for the true nature of the disharmony.

Every day, make it a point to have time where you give your spouse all of you - undivided attention -- where you engage in meaningful and expansive dialogue that probes the deepest levels of their being. Your objective is to spend quality time, but make it about them ... SHOW THEM YOU ARE INTERESTED. For many people, these types of conversations equal; interested, attracted to, desired, loved, appreciated, etc. In other words, that you give two shits about them!

Everyone wants to love and be loved ... but so many people are afraid to show it or jump fully into a relationship so instead they stick their toes in. However, in a relationship, you are all in or you aren't in at all. It's a total immersion experience where you give all of your heart - not hold some back for fear of being hurt. If you enter into a relationship that way ... you rob from that new relationship because you aren't fully present. No matter how much you say you are committed.

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Okay, this is going longer than I expected ... I'll let you think on this for now.