There is this popular misconception in society that love is conditional - that it comes in degrees. That a mother and a step mother can't love the child the same, that two people of the same gender can't love each other the same way two of the opposite sex can, etc.
I have learned through the years that LOVE IS LOVE - there are no degrees or conditions on it that you didn't put there. However, that doesn't change the nature of love it just changes the degree to which you will allow yourself to love!
We live in a whacky society with mixed up belief systems, which have many feeling like they are walking on eggshells. A step mother, for example, may not know her place in a child's life because she doesn't want to offend the mother -she's not trying to replace her just be the best mother she can be. As a child that grew up in foster care, let me say, that you can never have too many people that love you!
Love is the essence of the soul. You go through life seeking this "one true love" and, the funny thing is, that is you! When you love yourself truly and deeply & without condition that love will overflow like a cup that runneth over and everyone around you will bathe in it.
Often, we seek in another what we feel we don't have within ourselves.
Now, when a relationship enhances due to the recognition of the feeling of being complete -a sense of 'I can't live without this person in my life.' Then there is no injustice in allowing yourself to explore the experience of connecting with a person on a soul level - a romantic level. Now, the amount of love remains the same, but our involvement becomes more as we shed whatever limitations and fear of vulnerability that we had. This gives us that sense of a deeper love - but the well of love is always full and is without a bottom.
"Love is blind" refers to it not having a distinction or preference that all are capable and worthy of love. Love isn't reserved for a certain few and it isn't something that comes in levels - it's something that just is and it's only us who can ever put limitations or preference on it. Yet, in dong so we are simply stating the degree to which we will allow our self-love.
What makes infidelity wrong? Societies opinion of it which is also largely based in faith which is what, often times, makes loving a person of the same gender wrong. But, we cannot say when we love or with whom nor is it up to us to judge someone because they have been unfaithful. Instead, what we can see is someone willing to risk it all to experience someone on a soul level and the courage to leave the "safety" of a relationship in order to do so. A relationship, is simply a connection to another person, and does not mean they are connected on a soul level.
Just because two people have the title of "husband and wife" doesn't mean they share a soul connection. I can tell you that as a Life Coach, I have spoken to many "cheaters" and one common thing that is said is they felt their current relationship was dead. That it somehow had shifted and a connection was lost and this sometimes happens and when it does instead of getting out right away many opt to stay in the comfort of a current relationship and continue to "play house". In fact, many times, they try and convince themselves they are happy and nothing has changed, but meanwhile, their soul is on the lookout for that soul connection.
Now, I'm not speaking about a person who prefers who have multiple sexual partners, is not ready to settle down, etc.
I'm talking about a connection with one person ending and a new one beginning. Sometimes, we can control the way we transition from one relationship to another, but other times the pull is so intense and strong it's like being caught in an undertow or a riptide.
I'm not saying that "cheating" is something we should condone or not condone - I don't believe it our place because we don't know the circumstances. It's not our place to villainies someone either - love doesn't judge. At this point, it is entirely up to the people involved in the situation to decide on if they want to work on the current relationships & heal them or move on to a new chance at a soul connection. Ultimately, if you decide to move on you are also freeing that person to find a soul connection themselves because while you may have had it or convinced yourself you did if you had you wouldn't have gone looking for it elsewhere.
It is vital that we understand that loving ourselves first and foremost is crucial in our ability to truly open our hearts; mind, body, and soul to another. We will never do ourselves justice or the person we are in a relationship with justice if we are seeking self-love in a soul connection.
In society, we hear such terms as "Love" and "True Love" and with these notions the expressed phrases of, "I'm in Love" or "I Love You" - but what is love really?
I believe there are two types of love. One a complete illusion made up by the Ego and the other is a conscious expression of that which is.
The "love" we see most in the world is the illusion of the Ego. For when you love, you're ultimately seeking to fill a void that you feel exists within yourself. So, as we commonly do, we seek outside of ourselves for the "missing piece".
When a person comes into our lives we unconsciously and consciously size them up - is this the person who can take away your pain, your past, your suffering, your incompleteness, your emptiness, etc? The Ego in an effort to serve you -- err, rather "protect you" -- it escapes these feelings by creating a subsequent want or desire ... love.
When we love someone - we focus all our attention on this person - making them feel significant and special. But, often, this is done unconsciously at the will of the Ego to escape whatever "suffering" we previously and, in truth, still have. It's a distraction from handling the very thing that will draw you deeper and more connected to yourself.
So, the Ego, provides us a "savior" - that knight in shining armor or special someone - that will ride in and save the day. Soon, the Ego's flawed logic will reveal itself, as this person won't live up to the expectation that you have placed on their shoulders. In part because they don't know you have done so and also because if you couldn't handle it what makes you think someone else can?
Now, what we projected as love and adoration quickly turns into hate, disappointment, communication breakdowns, etc. Not because this person failed you, but because you entered into a relationship with false expectations of what this person could do for you; how they might ease your burden, complete you, etc.
Ego's Love requires sacrifice, not so much on your side, but rather the one you "love". The person you elected to be your saving grace; to be everything you need and often this requires change in order to become what you need, but that my friends, is not love.
True Love requires nothing, expects nothing, and possesses nothing - it simply is.
Ultimately, what the Ego's Love is doing is trying to fill your feeling of not being enough by offering a distraction from the truth - you've been seeking yourself in another and avoiding the very dwelling you reside.
When you find yourself and come into this awareness of a dynamic loving relationship - a true love with yourself - you stop seeking it in others. You no longer require someone else to complete you which is an impossible task, by the way.
The illusion of other people exists solely so we can come to have a deeper relationship with our one true self.
Throughout the years, there have been adages hinting to a more fulfilled life of love and happiness, but many have been misinterpreted or simply discarded.
“Love is blind.”
Love is blind means, simply, that love has no judgments and exists through all things. It means that a person shouldn’t love another because they have money or not love a person because they do not have money. It means that a person should love another not because of who they are on the outside – male, female, black, white, Asian, etc. – but, rather, because of who they are on the inside as a person – a reflection of GOD. Love doesn’t care who the last one to do dishes was or who did more “chores” around the house.
Love doesn’t compare – it simply is. Love doesn’t argue it endures and allows, embraces and smiles, and above all else it doesn’t hold grudges.
Love is not put-downs, lies and deception, and it certainly isn’t physical or sexual abuse.
“You are what you eat.”
You are what you eat, to me, means that we become what we absorb into our minds and body. It tells us to not only be mindful of what we physically feed our body with, but also with what we spiritually feed it with. The Native American’s believe that when you eat an animal you take in its life force – it’s energy into your body. That being said, what about what we read in the papers, magazines, and on-line? What about what we watch on TV? What about our choice of a movie do we absorb all of these things as well?
YES! Everything we surround ourselves with plays an important role with who we are, what we do, and what we become!
When people watch the news or read the paper in the morning –the vast majority of the headlines are negative in nature – it’s no wonder why people go to work or start their day in a “bad mood”.
If a person shifted what they read, listened to, and watched to positive and uplifting things – they would begin to see a transformation within their own life.
“Choose your friends wisely.”
Choosing ones friends wisely is good advice because just as we absorb what we eat, watch, and listen to – we also, are a direct reflection of those we call our friends. Friendships, like anything in life, grow and expand as you travel down the road of life and sometimes that means they shift a little or end – neither is a bad thing. It means that you are moving onward and upward, that your priorities and goals in life have shifted so to will your friends to align with your new manifestation of life.
Far too many people try and hold on to relationships or friendships that no longer serve their highest intention or good – for fear of never creating new ones or losing what the old ones represent.
All relationships, bring into our life something of value, and sometimes that relationship is meant to last a lifetime and other times that relationship is only meant to run its course – give us the experience, and then allow us to move on enriched.
“Get Your Head out of the Clouds.” Or “Come back to reality.”
People who say this are simply ignorant of the fact that they are creating their own reality. Don’t allow them to sway your dreams or tell you that you’ll never achieve them – it simply isn’t for them to decide. If you listen to them, you’ll be right because you settle for less than what you desire – your dream will shift and you’ll become stuck doing something far less than what you are capable of simply because you stopped dreaming.
“This is as good as it gets.”
This is as good as it gets is a statement of settling –giving up. The great thing about you is that you can create new and exciting things in your life each and every day and at no point in time should you be saying or feeling; “This is as good as it gets,” because you can always create better, do more, and be more!
“Follow your dreams.”
Follow your dreams means not to allow anyone to stand in the way of your pursuit of them. It means don’t give up on them – if it is something you really want and you can feel it in every fiber of your being – GO AFTER IT! Stop at NO/THING … don’t let your perception of failure get in the way either.
Failure is an illusion – it’s a stepping stone to greatness as it is really prompting you to ask yourself, “How can I do this better, How can I BE better?” Reassessing and aligning to the ultimate goal is a good thing– thus you can never fail.
Our true nature is to be love always and in all ways and that is what this column, “Spiritually Living with Dr. Constantine” is going to focus on. So, if you have questions of how to see certain life experiences from a spiritual perspective please e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
William Constantine, is a Celebrity Psychic Medium, Spiritual teacher, and lifestyle expert with a Doctorate in Metaphysical sciences. He has been utilized as a source on many top tier media outlets including; CNN, NBC, CBS, FOX, SIRIUS / XM, and many others. Recently he was interviewed by Shirley MacLaine’s Independent Expressions radio. For more information, visit his website at